* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Saturday, October 23, 2004

a nEw identity, a brand new me..

pRincEsS ktTy ( acTing cUte)

whErE is mY pasT??? Is iT tiMe tO moVe on le??

princess kitty is a ger who have gone through alot of pain... alot of hurt... alot of heartaches... she misses the past belonging to him and her... but... she knows... that their past is like footprints along the seashore... washed away by time... and it'll never come back ever again... things changes... he had changed.. perhaps she've changed too...things will never be the same ever again... it's time that she had to give up and let go...

he promised to come back to her one day... he asked her to give him more time and he'll return to her... but how long??? 1 month? 2 years? or 10 years? or forever? princess kitty no longer know how to trust anyone again... cuz promises are like butterflies, beautiful but no one know how long it will last... eventually, one day the butterfly will die.. promises are sweet... but, nobody know whether these promises can be fulfilled or not... broken promises causes the most hurt...

her wounds are still hurting badly, but she have no choice but to bear the pain and keep moving on.. he's right.. "life goes on, day passes on, we should forget our past and look forward"
...

dun worry.. though the past is gone, the beautiful memories belonging to him and her would never be forgetten... princess kitty has collected all the sweet, prettie, beautiful memories, and sealed them in a prettie little bottle... she buried the bottle under her very own star... where the bottle will be guarded and safe... nobady can destroyed those beautiful memories belonging to him and her...

now, princess kitty will once again show her beautiful smile... cuz she knows the world want to see her smiling beautifully and not crying... from now on, whenever she feel lonely, she would search for her beautiful star and take a look at their bottle filled with memories... though princess kitty no longer have him, but at least, he once belongs to her... and whenever she feels like crying, she would lift her head up high and look at her prettie little star... in this way, her tears would never flow...

A brAnD nEw stArT; a bRand nEw mE...

*This fairy tale ended at 10:36 PM*

Sunday, October 17, 2004

cHanGeS

a pIcTure takEn 3 yEarS agO (wHeN we wERe sTill happIlY tOgEthEr)

*This fairy tale ended at 5:20 AM*

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

oUr one lAst pRoMiSe

can i still go back to my past...? can i still go back to who i was in the past..? i miss the "weifang" in the past... i miss the sweet and innocent me.. i miss the cheerful and outgoing me... miss the optimistic and sporty me... i miss the "weifang" who loves sports and drawing so much... when i looked into the mirror.. i cant even recognise myself.. the tired face that is staring back at me seems like a total stranger... i can only see empty and lifeless eyes.. eyes filled with sorrow and pain... lips that will never smile as much as before.. who's the tired, lonely and wounded gal that is staring back at me...???

right now... wat's my dream? wat's my goal? wat's my passion? i'm so lost... i lost my passion for drawing and sports.. but why?? why did i changed? i want to be the me in the past.. did i changed because i realised the reality that life is full of lies, betrayal, hurt and pain.. i no longer believed in fairy tales...

you said you will come back to me... you said you need more time... how long??? 1 year? 2 years? or 20 years? you told me to trust you... you told me you would stay by my side.. can i trust.. will my trust be betray and will i be hurt again?

19.09.04 - you took away something that i wanted to treasure.. you took away something that is so important and means everything to me... then you promised to never leave me... promised to take care of me forever... but... can i trust you??? i dunno... my heart is cold le... i dun dare to trust anymore le...

05.10.04 - you made another promise to me.. you promise to return me back what you took away from me on 19.09.04... you promised you'll return me what you took away 3 years later... i will keep this promise engraved in my heart... cuz i really want back what i've lost... it really means alot to me... this will be our last promise.... and you must keep it.. cuz life would be so meaningless if i dont get back the thing you took away from me... OuR lAsT pRomIsE...

*This fairy tale ended at 1:48 PM*

Friday, October 01, 2004

a faMiliAr sTrAnGeR

He really seems so near, yet so far away from me.. Is he still the zhong that i fell in love with in the beginning??? Is he still the one who used to love and care for me?? TIME IS SO CRUEL...! Why must you take my zhong away from me.. give him back to me please.. PLEASE.. Return me back the zhong who loves me whole-heartedly.. return me the zhong who'll always be there for me.. return me the zhong who'll never hurt me.. return me the zhong who i fell in love so deeply with... How i wished i could turn back time.. back to our sweet, pure innocent days.. those were the happiest days in my life... i still remember all the things we did together and all the things he promised me so clearly...

Zhong, have you forgotten???

Sometimes, i feel that you are really so far away from me... so far... you seems to be full of secrets... Are those secrets of you and "her"? i know you are hiding alot of things from me... i know alot of things that i ain't supposed to know... it's just that i dont want to question you... partly because i hope you would be frank to me... but you never did.. sigh.. also partly because i'm scared to hear the truth from your mouth... i'm scared that i cant take it... my heart is already hurting so badly... i dont know when i'm going to break down...

Remember your promise to love me and teng me and care for me... and i clearly remember that after my operation, you told me you'll never leave me, you will always be with me.. but.. are you going to keep these promises? or are you going to break them like you broke all your promises to me in the past?

28.09.2004-mooncake festival: that day i felt happy yet sad.. such a complicated feelings.. sigh.. you went out to celebrate with others, after that then you came to accompany me.. i feel like a substitute.. zhong, do you know how much tears i shed while you were with away??? you know how much tears i've shed while i sit alone at the drain waiting for you??? but i was happy cuz eventually you came to accompany me.. although it was only a few hours i'm contented.. i felt as if we were back to the past when you held my hands and hugged me... though i dont know whether what you treat me as.. i felt happy for that few hours.. i really missed our past so much...

Why must there be changes??? if he never changed.. i believed we'll still be like the happy zhong and fang two years ago.. but now... i don't know what i'm doing... am i doing the wrong things? i really dont know.. all i know is that.. i miss our past so much!!!
i want to hold your hands and take night strolls under the stars.... want to hug you, be in your embrace forever.... i want to hear you say "i love you" to me like before... my heart is hurting so badly now... what am i to you??? can someone tell me??? can you tell me???

*This fairy tale ended at 4:00 PM*