Life is so weird.. Or rather i should say life is so cruel.. How come a beautiful day can't end beautifully..? Why are there always something unexpected and disappointing happening at the last moment of a almost perfect day which spoils everything.. sighs.. Perhaps fate is playing me like a fool..
Disappointed...
Too many things happened within these few days.. Too many.. And i dunno how to handle them.. I'm tired.. Really tired le.. Too many different emotions flooding me within these few days.. Seeing things i thought i'd never see again.. I really thought that incident is over already, i really thought promises would be kept.. But....
I dun wanna hear promises from anyone ever again.. Cause promises are always broken.. And i dun wanna have hopes and end up being disappointed again.. Broken promises hurt.. My heart feel numb already.. I dunno wat sort of feeling i'm having right now.. I just feel so weird.. And i dun wanna think about anything ever again le..
Everything just leave it to fate.. I dun believe the quote that "our future is within our hands' anymore.. Cause i've tried and tried so hard.. Worked and worked so hard.. Yet, my future seems so far away from me.. I really hope my dream would come true.. Really hope to walk down the aisle with him.. To live happily every after.. To travel around the world together.. To live in a farm together.. I really hope that all these things will happen.. But, will they? I'm not sure anymore..
Someone claimed to be my friend.. That someone told me that friend would never hurt each other and i believed.. Yet, that someone is the one who hurt me the most.. What are friends? I feel really disappointed..
I'm tired.. So damn tired of everything.. I don't want to care about anything anymore.. I just wanna be me.. I wanna rewind these 3 days.. I wanna rewind seeing the things i dun wanna see.. I wanna rewind every bad incidents these 3 days.. Can i?
So lost and confused and tired...
I'm just one stupid and uselss loser who cant do anything.. I'm really so disappointed in myself.. How i desperately wished there's a 'rewind' button in life, then i could rewind that day and everything would be back to normal again.. I really hate myself.. Why must i make such a stupid mistake.. Why am i so stupid.. Why am i such a loser.. It's all my fault.. I'm so disappointed with myself..
I HATE MYSELF..
I'm feeling lost.. Very lost.. There's alot of things inside my head and i feel as though my head is going to burst open soon.. It really hurts.. And i dunno who to confide to.. Or maybe i've no one to confide to.. Cause i fear being look down.. I fear being hated by the ones i love.. I rather bottle everything inside and let my sweetest and best self be remembered by them..
I know in this world, no one is perfect.. And everyone will make mistakes.. But the worst feeling is knowing you're doing something wrong yet you just cant control yourself.. The feeling of guilt is really unbearable.. Is this a psycological problem? Or is it because of weak mentality? I really dunno.. I feel so lost and useless..
Truth will eventually emerge someday.. And that's the day i fear.. Cause that might be the day i'll lose everything and everyone i care for.. That might be the day i lose everything and everyone i want to treasure.. And that'll be the day i lose the meaning to my existance in this world..
I wanna put a stop to it now.. Is it too late?
I'm scared......
Hmm.. Just came back from Harry Potter midnight show.. *yea* Finally watched it.. keke..
If i'm someone who never read the book before, this movie is gonna get 8.5/10 from me.. Interesting storyline (thanks to J.K Rowling), not-bad casts, beautiful effects and nice settings.. But i've read harry potter:goblet of fire around 6-7 times, so i know the story and everything in details in my memory, i'm gonna give this movie a 6.5/10..
Too many exciting scenes that were in the book weren't in the movie.. But i guess i cant blame them cause if they show everything in details, the movie might last 8 hours or more.. lolx.. I'm quite disappointed that the quidditch world cup were not shown and Harmione involvement in the S.P.E.W thingy too.. Alot of the story have been either cut off or only briefly mentioned.. But there were quite a few funny scenes that make up for those scenes being cut off.. I love the part where they were in the study hall and Snape kept hitting Ron's and Harry's head for talking non stop.. tat was funny.. And Hermione look absolutely gorgeous..
What i really dont like about the show is Professor Dumbledore (my fav. char in the book).. Professor Dumbledore is supposed to be a gentle, kind and wise headmaster.. But in this movie, he's so fierce and was shouting.. That's totally not Dumbledore..
But nevertheless.. Overall, it's a pretty decent movie.. But i still prefer the book though.. keke..
Yawns.. It's 4.30pm right now and my eyelids are feeling heavy already.. Time for me to go to bed.. Hope to have some sweet dreams tonight.. Good night.. Yawns..... 
p/s:: my adidas wristband came.. love it.. *smiles*
Went out with my little sister this afternoon with her friends (my amkss juniors) to town.. They were there to shop for graduation night dresses, and me? I was supposingly there to give the opinion and all that.. Also, to pass time cause dear would be home late today as he had to go tracom to support some socer match.. *shrugs* It'd be boring to stay home all day, so i rather go out.. We're supposed to meet at 2.30 supposingly, but somehow, people were late and by the time everyone arrived, it was already 3 plus.. Then, we shopped around.. Hmm.. it was quite fun.. It'd been a long time since i went out with my little sister le.. keke.. Took lotsa neoprints.. keke..
I want the black adidas jacket so badly..
But it's expensive.. Around 80 bucks.. *sobs* Dunno whether it's worth it to get the jacket or not, cause i'm still saving up for my dream handphone.. stress.. *
At 6 plus, dear called and said the soccer match was postponed due to the rain, so i went off earlier to go meet him.. Met him at yishun, then we went to buy food for myself cause i haven eaten the whole day and was super hungry.. Then we took cab back home together..
Now, i'm imaptiently waiting for 11.45pm to watch Harry Potter.. Didnt managed to watch it on wed cause the only seats left were the fourth row and i dun wanna be uncomfortable having to look up for the whole movie.. So.. we'd be watching the 11.45pm show later today.. Hope the movie would be a good one..
Yesterday went out with JiaWan, Lynette and Danni to town to get birthday present for Karen.. It was quite a fun outing, crapping with them and shopping with them.. It has been quite a while since i've been to town.. But still, town is still the same.. except tat there's lotsa christmas decoration being put up now.. Quite pretty..
Just came back from Yio Chu Kang swimming complex.. Went swimming with my cousin.. Hmm, i think should be tanning session, cause we just sat in the pool and keep talking and talking and talking.. haha.. Cannot blame us okie.. We haven seen each other for quite a while le.. So, got alot of catching up to do.. Then, we went AMK central and shopped for a while.. So many paths and places under renovation, causing us having to take a long route to reach the places we wanna go.. Bought a nike t-shirt at the sportslink there.. Niceeeeee... keke.. Cant wait to wear it already~!!!
Anyway, i've order adidas wristband from online.. nice ma?
Sorry wor.. The pic abit not clear cause it's too small.. haha.. i've oredered one black one and one transparent one.. One for me and one for dear.. keke.. Cant wait for the bands to arrive.. hehe.. It's abit like the Baller Id that nike came up with.. Excpet that this one is clip on one.. keke..
And....... HARRY POTTER IS OUT..!!! Hope i can get the tickets to the sneak preview tonight.. OMG.. i cant wait..!
我只是想找那么一个人，不用长得太高，但至少在我感到无助的时候，不用我弯下腰才能依偎在他的胸膛；
我只是想找那么一个人，不用有多有钱，但至少不会让我挨饿，受冻；
我只是想找那么一个人，不会嫌弃我长得不够漂亮，身材不够修长；
我只是想找那么一个人，不会说我不够温柔，不够体贴；
我只是想找那么一个人，不会让我时刻都要提醒自己走路要抬头，挺胸，收腹，规规矩矩要像个女孩子；
我只是想找那么一个人，能包容我的任性，我的无理取闹;
我只是想找那么一个人，天凉的时候问我冷不冷，吃饭的时候问我饿不饿；
我只是想找那么一个人，过马路的时候能下意识的牵着我的手，一脸担忧的对我说“当心点儿车。”
我只是想找那么一个人，在我要和别的男孩约会的时候，霸道的的说“不许去！”
我只是想找那么一个人，在我胡思乱想的时候，会点着我鼻头说“小傻瓜，不要乱想，一切都有我呢。”
我只是想找那么一个人，当我站在屋檐下对着雨点发愁的时候，他能举着一把伞站在我的面前，“等你好久了”他说。
我只是想找那么一个人，在我高兴的时候陪我一起笑，陪我一起闹，在我哭泣的时候，能用他温暖的大手轻轻为我拭去眼角的眼泪；
我只是想找那么一个人，在我很想很想他的时候，他能在我身边，拥着我，在我耳边柔柔的说：“我的小丫头，我也好想你。”
我只是想找那么一个人，会在我疲倦是，摸摸我的头，对我说：“累了就去睡吧。”
我只是想找那么一个人，不用让我时刻担心失去，背叛；
我只是想找那么一个人，能和我相互扶持，陪我一直到老；
真的，我只是想找那么一个人... ...
好久好久没有用华文来写日记了。。 幸好我的华文还没生锈。。 哈哈。。 用起来还蛮好玩的。。 以后，我应该还会再用华文来写我的 blog 吧。。 咳， 最近生病了。。 好可怜喔。。 生病的感觉好难受。。又咳嗽，又伤风感冒，又喉咙不舒服。。 好幸苦。。 希望会快点好起来。。
(.+.*." 献给所有曾经受伤的心灵 ".*.+.)
这个世界上有很多很甜美或很凄凉的爱情故事， 会让我们觉得很感动，感动得跟着畅快大笑或者放声大哭。其实故事里上演的悲欢离合只是世界大舞台的一个缩影。每天,在未知的不同角落，这种故事都在不停地上演，有时候不知不觉你就成了某一幕的主角。忽然不巧的你受了伤害，你没有等到那完美的结局，你爱的人不再爱你，或者有人爱你,你不知道，或者是爱你的人你不爱他，或者是明明彼此都相爱，可是因为某种不幸的原因不能在一起，或者是...... 有千万种理由，结果却都是让你心碎得只想哭。 所以受伤的时候请你放声哭泣，因为这是人的权利，不用担心有人会笑你脆弱，不用担心明天会有一双熊猫眼，要知道哭泣不管是女人还是男人，都不是一种羞耻的行为，如果不可以哭泣，那么上帝为什么当初要给我们一双会流泪的眼睛？不过当哭泣完之后，请你好好的檫干眼泪，静静的走到镜子前面，看看自己憔悴的样子，好好的给自己一个微笑。如果过去无法挽回就让它过去吧！再多的哭泣也没办法让时间和爱情倒转，没有必要去遗忘些什么，如果太刻意去忘记一些什么，只会让你记得更深，就让时间去扶平你身上的创伤吧！时间是一贴最好的良药. 不能从你心里带走曾经的伤痛，便将它深埋在你的心底。
我相信每个人的心里都有一个天使，我一直都这么认为。当自己受伤的时候，天使就会从心里飞出来，这时人就会平静下来，或者哭泣着睡去，等待下一个白天或者天黑，等到自己坚强起来，等到回忆不能刺痛神经...
.".*.+. clOud & tifA .+.*.".
Just watched "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children".. Basically, this story is set two years after the events of Final Fantasy VII.. The storyline is okay i guess.. But the visuals are absolutely stunning.. The settings looks really realistic.. and the character are really beautifully designed.. Hmm.. But dear's brother commented that tifa's breast looks big and her body's not proportional.. Keke.. Anyway, i spent most of the time admiring the visuals then trying to understand what the story is about.. haha..
School has already started.. After the long holiday, school seems like a unfamiliar place despite this is my 2nd yr there already.. And being a total ditz at recognising places, i even forgot what level the com labs at blk M are.. Luckily, Jiawan reminded me it was at level 4.. haha.. *shrugs*
No more sleeping late at 4-5 am everyday and waking up 12-1 pm everyday, cause some of my lessons start at 8 and 9 am.. *sobs*
I was glad i've gotten into my choice of elective module, Japanese language.. And i was so glad jiawan and ain also got into jap language.. But on wednesday, we realised i was in different class with them.. *sighs* So disappointed.. So, i guess i'm all alone in Jap class.. What's worse is that i'm in the same class with "some pple" (shh.. 0412 gals should know who they are..).. I dun dislike or hate them, it's just that i dun enjoy being in their presence.. *sighs* Jap lesson was okay (it'd be better without 'them' though).. It's like i'm back in kindergarden where we're supposed to repeat words and lines after the teacher repeatedly.. haha.. But i think learning how to write them would be so tough.. Also, the teacher insisted that we should do the stuffs we do in sec and pri sch when she walks in.. Stand up (kiritse), bow (rei), good morning (ohaiyo gozaimasu) and sit (chakuseki).. Lolx..
Waiting for:
1) Harry Potter (Goblet of Fire) movie to be out - 17.11.05
2) the next one week holiday - somewhere in December
3) my dream phone W900i - ending of 2005/starting of 2006
(.*.+.*. my dream phone(s) .*.+.*.)
It was 'love at first sight' when i saw sony ericsson w900i.. It comes in black and white, and the white model is simple gorgeous.. I wan that phone..! 2.0 megapixel camera, walkman phone with 3G technology, 470mb internal memory (supports up to 2gb memory stick), video record, and so much more.. I really love the pure white colour on the phone (my fav colour).. keke..
Another of my dream phone, w800i, which is the phone dear is currently using.. So envious.. lolx.. It also got a 2.0 megapixel camera, walkman, 470mb internal memory (supports up to 2gb memory stick), video record, and many more.. Its a funky phone.. White (not as pure white as w900i though) with orange border at the sides.. Nice too..
Actually i prefer the design and colour of w900i better then w800i.. But w900i confirm cost a bomb.. w900i isn't out yet.. Think it'd only be out late this years or early next year, and with it's 3G function, it's estimated to cost $1000 plus plus (actual price not out yet cause the phone isn't out yet).. OMG.. *faint* w800i costs around $600-$800 now.. And, i dun think i'll need the 3G function of W900i.. How i wish w800i have the appearance of w900i.. or w900i dont have the 3G function, then it'd be the perfect phone i wan.. Without the 3G thingy, it'd cost so much lesser..
Anyway, i better don't think too much.. Let's wait until w900i comes out then i decide which phone i really want.. Meanwhile, it's time to save up, save up and save up.. *bleah*
歌曲: 天天说爱我 歌手: Makiyo
专辑: 天天说爱我
说要你对我说 要你抱着我
要你说爱我
说说你想着我 说你的温柔
就是要你对我说
走带我一起走 走出这片天空
走入爱的时空
你不准不理我 不准不牵我的手
不准你忘了抱紧我
只要你 天天天天
天天说爱我
我就会 夜夜夜夜
陪你看星空
要大声说 说爱我
要你永远永远对我说
Another old song that i love alot.. A really really sweet song sung by makiyo's sweet voice.. In another word, it a super SWEET song.. keke.. sweet sweet sweet..
This song totally illustrate what i want in my relationship.. Wanting him to hug me forever, say he love me forever, and hold on to my hands forever.. What i want in love is very simple (or others may say unpractical).. I dun need someone who's very handsome or someone who's very rich.. I dun need him to be any important person.. I dun need him to have any outstanding achievements.. I dun need him to have anything at all.. As long as he loves me and truely cares for me, i'm willing to stay with him forever.. And i'll do anything for him..
Perhaps because i'm a pisces.. I love being doted and being loved.. I'd want someone to hug me forever.. Hold on to my hands forever.. And say "i love you" to me everyday.. I wanna be the apple in his eyes.. I wan his eyes to have only me.. I wan his attention to be on me.. I'll feel hurt if i'm ignored by the one i love.. I'll feel hurt when the one i love broke his promises to me.. I'll feel hurt when my love one lie to me.. Am i too greedy? keke.. I am who i am.. 
"will y0u h0ld 0n to my hands f0rever?"
29.10.2005-01.11.2005- A long break because of public holiday.. But it's a break that i don't enjoyed.. Kinda disappointed.. Sighs.. i dun wanna go into any details cause i also dunno how to put it into words.. All i can say is that , this holiday doesn't turn out the way i hope that it would be.. sighs.. Somehow, my heart misses the past..
"Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day~!"
"i'm feeling tired~!"
Now i'm listening to::
歌曲: 黑色毛衣
歌手: 周杰伦 专辑: 十一月的萧邦
一件黑色毛衣 两个人的回忆
雨过之后更难忘记
忘记我还爱你
你不用在意 流泪也只想刚好合意
我早已经待在谷底
我知道不能再留住你
也知道不能没有孤寂
感激你让我拥有缺点的美丽
看着那白色的蜻蜓 在空中忘了前进
还能不能重新编织
脑海中起毛球的记忆
再说我爱你 可能雨也不会停
黑色毛衣 藏在那里
就让回忆永远停在那里
Just gotten this song today, when i heard it, i cried (luckily he's asleep).. I also dunno what happened to me.. Perhaps too many emotions bottling up inside me these few days.. I seem to be rather fragile emotionally lately.. Kept having the urge to cry out loud, but i kept holding it back cause i don't want him to see me cry cause i know he don't like to see pple cry.. I think i need a shoulder, a shoulder to let me have a good long cry....
"Again, i sincerely hope that tomorrow will be a better day~!"
After giving the bird freedom to soar into the sky, the bird seems to be craving for more and more freedom.. Yearning to soar higher and higher and further and further away..
Will the bird never return back to the cage one day? Will the bird leave it's cage and abandon the person who's waiting beside the cage for it to return everyday? The person is feeling so lost.. By giving the bird more and more freedom, is she going to lose the bird one day?
She is feeling scared.. She is feeling confused.. Her heart is hurting, but she don't know what she should do......
*crys*
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