* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Christmas Eve!

Went many places on christmas eve.. City Link, Suntec, Esplande and Vivocity..
Glad that these places weren't as crowded as i expected.. Keke..

Countdown to Christmas at Vivocity in front of the beautiful scenery..

Hees..

Merry X'mas to everyone..!
May all your dreams come true..!
Stay happy always..!

*tired*
*sweet dreams*

*This fairy tale ended at 4:31 AM*

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Sighs... Sighs... Sighs... Sighs...

After bballing today, my toenail on my right leg had officially broken off.. Super painful..

Sighs.. Still feeling so wrong.. Sighs.. It's as if there's a big hole in my heart.. There seems to be something missing.. Something that's so wrong in my life.. But, i dont know what is it.. Sighs.. Feel as if i'm gonna break down soon.. I'm really very tired..

Is there anything else i can look forward in my life? All my dreams and hopes seem to be shattered in million pieces.. I don't know what else is my purpose in this world anymore..

I'm really tired..

*sighs*

*This fairy tale ended at 3:50 AM*

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Did a really crazy thing yesterday night when it was raining heavily.. I went for a run at 11.30pm at night in the heavy rain.. It's really great feeling the rain beating again my skin.. I dont feel hot.. I cant feel my sweat.. I just kept running and running.. I guess there're too many things going thru my mind while i'm running.. That's why i dun feel any tiredness at all.. I dun even feel my legs aching.. Time passes so fast.. It felt like i've only ran for 15 minutes when in fact, i've been runnig non-stop for 1 hour plus..

It was really refreshing...

Went bugis to do some shopping today..
In my shopping bags:
1) 2 triumph halter neck bras (same design, but 1 black and 1 white)
2) Levis tank top
3) Levis tee shirt for him
4) Christmas presents for a few of my friends

Feeling a little better after keeping myself occupied for the whole day.. But how long can i keep my shecdule packed to take my mind off those unhappy feelings and thoughts..? I dunno......

Right now, my legs are aching from the run ytd, and from the shopping.. Gonna rest le..
*tired*

*This fairy tale ended at 3:55 PM*

Monday, December 18, 2006

Everything about me is still in a complete mess.. I dunno what's wrong with me.. Feeling so tired.. So lost and confused still.. *sighs*

I dunno what to do.. I'm always in a daze.. Cant seemed to get anything done at all.. Really tired.. Everyday i'd sleep for a long long time.. My sleeping time is like 12 hours per day.. And when i wake up, i'll still lie in bed, hoping i could fall asleep again..

If only i could just sleep my whole life away.. Waking up mean facing the reality.. It's too tiring and painful for me...

Christmas is around the corner.. But, i dunno whether i should look forward to it, or dread it.. Cause i don't even know whether my christmas would be a joyful and sweet christmas or lonely and tearful one.. I don't dare to look forward to christmas.. What if i had hopes and in the end there'll only disappointments? I'm scare...

*DEPRESSION
*sighs*

*This fairy tale ended at 7:52 PM*

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Meet up with him at Causeway Point after his work.. It's raining heavily and the weather was so cold.. I used to like rainy days.. But somehow, recently, rainy days make me feel really down and depressed.. Ha..

We went Swensens for our dinner..

It was a really really sweet dinner.. He was really sweet.. He held my hand.. He hugged me.. He fed me my food.. It was just a short dinner but i felt truely happy.. Really blissful..

But... Somehow deep within me, i still felt lost.. I still felt as if i'm in a long, dark tunnel, searching for my way out.. Walking aimlessly.. Waiting for a hand to lead me out of the tunnel.. And, i know the only one who can lead me out of this tunnel is him..

But, how long can he help me find my way? How many times can he held out his hand to me before i'm thrown back into the tunnel again and again..?

Feeling lost, confused, hurt, tired and depressed..
*SIGHS*

*This fairy tale ended at 2:06 PM*

Friday, December 08, 2006

Countless sleepless nights..

Somehow, in the middle of the night, memories always haunt me.. There are so many things going through my mind.. I seemed to be crying myself to sleep more and more often.. And i'm starting to resort to medication to force myself to sleep.. Only when i'm asleep, i'll feel nothing.. I don't want to wake up to reality.. Think i'm going crazy soon if this continues.. *sighs*

I hate myself.. Hate myself for being so weak.. Hate myself for being so dependant.. Hate myself for having so many rubbish thoughts.. Hate myself for crying.. Hate myself for having to hide my emotions.. Hate myself for not being the me i used to be anymore..

If only i could disappear from this world.. If only some things haven't happened.. If only i could know what's going thru your mind.. If only i could turn back time.. If only i could be the girl i used to be.. If only i could sleep forever and never wake up again.. If only i could just end my life..

I'm really tired.. Each and every of me emotions are all messed up.. And i dunno how to make things right.. So tired.. So so tired........

Fangfang is breaking down soon..

*This fairy tale ended at 8:33 PM*

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weee...

He's back...! Keke.. *smiles*
All my uncertainties and weird feelings all disappeared after seeing him..
So happie that he's back.. keke..

Love it when he kiss my forehead and hair..
Feels so xing fu..

*BIG SMILES*

*This fairy tale ended at 8:03 PM*

Sunday, December 03, 2006

The boots i've ordered from online arrived yesterday.. And today is the first time i wore it out..

Think it's because i'm not used to such high heels.. After 2 hours in these boots, my feet hurts like hell.. Super pain.. Haha.. Think should wear more often to get use to it ba..

Had fever ytd.. 38.5 degrees.. Very shagged.. Felt so weak and helpless..Misses him so much.. How i wish he's by my side at my vulnerable point.. But.. He's still overseas.. Miss him like crazy.. Think i'm overly-dependant on him le.. When he's not around, my world seems to be a mess and i feel so depressed.. I know i should learn to be more independant.. But.. No matter how hard i tried.. I cant seem to go on without him..

Perhaps, i love him too much le..
*missing him*

*This fairy tale ended at 2:23 PM*