* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Friday, October 01, 2004

a faMiliAr sTrAnGeR

He really seems so near, yet so far away from me.. Is he still the zhong that i fell in love with in the beginning??? Is he still the one who used to love and care for me?? TIME IS SO CRUEL...! Why must you take my zhong away from me.. give him back to me please.. PLEASE.. Return me back the zhong who loves me whole-heartedly.. return me the zhong who'll always be there for me.. return me the zhong who'll never hurt me.. return me the zhong who i fell in love so deeply with... How i wished i could turn back time.. back to our sweet, pure innocent days.. those were the happiest days in my life... i still remember all the things we did together and all the things he promised me so clearly...

Zhong, have you forgotten???

Sometimes, i feel that you are really so far away from me... so far... you seems to be full of secrets... Are those secrets of you and "her"? i know you are hiding alot of things from me... i know alot of things that i ain't supposed to know... it's just that i dont want to question you... partly because i hope you would be frank to me... but you never did.. sigh.. also partly because i'm scared to hear the truth from your mouth... i'm scared that i cant take it... my heart is already hurting so badly... i dont know when i'm going to break down...

Remember your promise to love me and teng me and care for me... and i clearly remember that after my operation, you told me you'll never leave me, you will always be with me.. but.. are you going to keep these promises? or are you going to break them like you broke all your promises to me in the past?

28.09.2004-mooncake festival: that day i felt happy yet sad.. such a complicated feelings.. sigh.. you went out to celebrate with others, after that then you came to accompany me.. i feel like a substitute.. zhong, do you know how much tears i shed while you were with away??? you know how much tears i've shed while i sit alone at the drain waiting for you??? but i was happy cuz eventually you came to accompany me.. although it was only a few hours i'm contented.. i felt as if we were back to the past when you held my hands and hugged me... though i dont know whether what you treat me as.. i felt happy for that few hours.. i really missed our past so much...

Why must there be changes??? if he never changed.. i believed we'll still be like the happy zhong and fang two years ago.. but now... i don't know what i'm doing... am i doing the wrong things? i really dont know.. all i know is that.. i miss our past so much!!!
i want to hold your hands and take night strolls under the stars.... want to hug you, be in your embrace forever.... i want to hear you say "i love you" to me like before... my heart is hurting so badly now... what am i to you??? can someone tell me??? can you tell me???

*This fairy tale ended at 4:00 PM*