* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Friday, February 03, 2006

31 Jan 2006, Tues, 6.48pm.

You told me you'll be back before 6pm. You told me to go back home and said you wanted to go jogging. And you pass me your keys and went off. It was 5pm when i reached home, i started training your character and watching tv, patiently waiting for the sound of the doorbell to ring. I waited and waited. Finally at 6, your character leveled up, but the doorbell hasnt rang yet.i kept pacing around, walking in and out of the living room, peering into the doorhole, hoping to see you outside, yet again and again, i only see a empty corridor. Part of me started to feel disappointed, but the other part of me told me that you'll be at the bball court playing bball.

I lied on the bed, staring at the clock, watching the time pass by. I felt tired. And started crying. I dont even know what those tears are for, i wipe them away, yet, they kept flowing. I dunno what i'm feeling at that moment. I just know my head is hurting badly. My sixth sense told me you'd be at the bball court, so i decided to pass you the keys, cause i'm afraid i'd fall asleep and couldnt hear the doorbell. So i went down.

As i walked towards the bball court, i could see you from a far. I'd always like to see you playing bball, you're always looking so serious and aggressive, and that's the wenzhong i fell in love with 4 years ago. Remember when we've just gotten together? You'd always bring me along when you went to play bball with your friends. At that time, i didnt know anything abt bball, so i could only look at you at the sideline. At that time, i'd always think "when will i ever have the chance to play with you on the same court?" I love your seriousness about bball. And every shot you put in, i'd feel so proud of you even though i'm just at the sideline. At that time, you always thought i'm bored looking at you playing bball. But you're so wrong, cause i've always enjoyed looking at you playing. But, you dont know. Gradually, the times you brought me along when you play bball got lesser and lesser and become none. I felt abit disappointed.

But i thought i've another way to see you play, and that's to learn bball. At first, you're the one who taught me. Those times were one of the happiest time of my life. But gradually, i guess u could'nt met up to your expectation, and you gave up on me. But i still continued, playing in my school and with other pple. I can feel that i'm improving and slowly loving this sports. There were times i got to play with you, i was happy to be able to play with you, but, those times always ended up in quarrels. I guess i could never meet up to your expectation even though i felt i've improved. Alot pple told me that i'm good, my friends, pple i dunno, even mr ong said that when i went to play at amkss. But yet, my good was never good enough for you. And i started to play less and less. I guess my wish to be able to play with you on the same court just got further and further.

I wanna be a good girlfriend. I want you to love me more. There're ups and downs, sometimes we're really happy together, and sometimes there're quarrels. I guess that's normal in a relationship.

But this month is different. I dont even know what's wrong with me. I get irritated so easily and throw temper easily. You said i've depression, and i told you it couldnt be. But, deep inside, i myself is wondering if i have depression or not. If not, i really cant come up with a reason to why my mood is so unpredictable lately. I really have to say a big "sorry" for everything this month. I'm trying to make up for every wrong thing i've done by massaging you in the morning, playing maple for you, and trying my best to listen to you. I really dunno wat else i can do. I feel so lost. And i'm afraid. I dunno wat's wrong with me lately. I really dunno wat to do......

*This fairy tale ended at 3:08 PM*