* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Thursday, July 20, 2006

This is freaky...

In the previous post, i talked about this dream that i kept having since i was 18.. Today, i had this dream again.. Today, i dreamt about why i was swept away by the sea.. Someone was chasing after me and i kept running and running.. And eventually, i reach a deadend which is at the dock.. The 'someone' took out a gun and pointed at me.. The 'someone' fired 3 shots at me in my stomach.. And i fell into the sea... And then the rest of the story goes on the way i dreamt about it previously..

When i woke up, i felt pain in my stomach.. And this is wat i saw..

3 freaking blue-blacks around me naval.. Two on the right and one on the left side of my naval.. I was freaked out.. Perhaps i accidentally punched myself in my sleep.. I really cant think of a logical explanation for this..

*Nevertheless, i still miss the 'man' who saved me and took care of me in my dream.. But it's damn weird.. Cause i can remember every details in the dream, except 'his' face....*

*This fairy tale ended at 12:36 PM*

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Do you keep having the same dreams? Do you believe in reincarnation......

I was just a simple girl living in a simple village near the sea..

One day, i was swept away by the sea and someone brought me onto a big ship.. I was unconscious, but in my sleep, i can feel someone taking care of me, someone who's stroking my hair so gently and hugging me so warmly.. I felt the security i never felt before.. And i continue sleeping at ease..

When i eventually woke up.. I came to realised the 'him' who was taking care of me was the owner of the big ship.. I should've hated 'him' for taking me away from my home.. But, somehow, i didn't.. Life in the boat was fun.. I explore the places on the ship one by one, and 'he' was always by my side, holding on tightly to my hands, as if 'he' was afraid to lose me.. Standing on the deck enjoying the sea breeze, 'he' hugged me close to warm body and kissed my hair.. I was enjoying the warmth from 'his' body, and i like being in 'his' embrace, that was when i knew i was in love with 'him'..

'He' was a very responsible man, i seldom see 'him' smiling, but, i know deep inside this tough body and stern face, was a really sweet, sensitive and loving man.. Life on 'his' ship is the sweetest days i've ever had.. I felt so loved and pampered, and i just wanna stay in 'his' embrace forever, and let 'him' take care of me forever..
*R(A) parts are deleted from the story =p*

I wished time would stop here..

But, reality is cruel.. 'His' crew was unhappy that 'he' was always with me and neglecting 'his' duties, they bad-mouthed me constantly.. At first, 'he' didnt pay attention to them, but gradually, 'he' was affected by their long term influences.. When 'he' decided to believe them and sent me away, i was so hurt..

"Why do you trust them and not me?" I kept asking, but 'he' just sent me away without giving me an answer..

After i left, i realised i was pregnant.. And decided to bring up the child alone, cause that's a baby belonging to me and the 'man' i love so dearly..

I cried...

This dream is not a stranger to me.. Cause I'd been having this dream relatively frequently since i was 18.. And i remember the details ever so clealy in my mind.. Except the ending.. This is the first time i had this dream with this ending.. In the past, whenever i had this dream, it'd always end at the sweetest moment.. And when i wake up, i'd be smiling sweetly whenever i recall the dream.. And for the rest of that day, i'd be in a very good mood..

As i grow older.. This dream seems to be more and more detailed.. When 'he' kiss me, it wasn't a simple kiss like before anymore, but a really passionate and deep kiss.. When 'he' hug me, it was so tight and warm, i could feel 'his' hands caressing my body.. Everything 'he' and i did together was getting so detailed.. And everything inside the dream felt more and more real.. When 'he' hug me, i could feel his warmth.. When 'he' kiss me, i could feel the softness of his lips.. And every feelings i had felt so real..

I've been having this dream so many times.. And sometimes, i will think "perhaps this was my past life".. Otherwise, i cant explain why i had this dream so many times.. None of the dreams i had would repeat itself so many times, none of the dreams i had felt so real and none of the dreams i had was remembered so clearly in my mind.. Only this dream is special..

I'm curious what goes on in this dream after i've left.. I cant wait to have this dream again..........

I miss 'him'.. I wanna see 'him' again...

*This fairy tale ended at 11:50 AM*

Monday, July 17, 2006

Nightmares after nightmares.. *sigh* For consecutively 5 days already.. I'm really tired.. After every nightmares i had, my heart hurts terribly and my head is spinning..

I think i'm too traumatized by that 'incident'.. Especially when i'm alone, so many rubbish thoughts will keep coming to my mind.. I don't want to think about it.. I just want to live on happily, but i can't control these thoughts..

I yearn for someone to hug me tight and tell me everything is gonna be alright..

Sighs.. If only i could lose all those unhappy and painful memories.. If only..........

*depression*

*This fairy tale ended at 12:59 PM*

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Another of my current playlist:

歌曲：我们都会错
歌手潘玮柏

我慢慢的跟着月亮一路往回走
夏天的风吹在脸上感觉寂寞
我知道你有几秒钟也想念他
我心疼你但心中有点痛

一个爱情习题一种未完待续
一句在雨伞下你说的对不起
亲爱的我们都会错
我了解原因是什么
你不要哭一切我都晓得

你听时间它一步一步往前走
你知道的到最后爱你的是我
你快乐吗我心中只有这句话
我会把眼泪收在口袋中

一个爱情习题一种未完待续
一声在山谷中大喊的我爱你
亲爱的我们都会错有什么不能原谅呢
没有关系让我等你回头
爱你的人是我不会错

Been having alot of nightmares lately, consecutively 3 nights already.. And they're all related to the same 'topic'.. *sighs* Once i wake up, even if i'm still very tired, i don't dare to go back to sleep again.. I don't want to be haunted by that nightmare again..

Perhaps, i'm thinking too much things lately.. I'm tired......

*This fairy tale ended at 1:53 PM*

Currently addicted to this song..
Attn: dun listen to this song when you're sad, cause it'd definitely make you cry..
I cried the first time i heard this song.. *sobs*

歌曲：最近
歌手：李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

It really sad that even the sweetest love have the coldest endings.. The start of an relationship is always the sweetest, cause that's when two strangers start getting to know each other.. They would try many different things and go many different places together.. They's make consessions and give in to one another.. And the start would always the hardest to forget..

As the relationship grows, as time goes by, they would be familiar with each other and starts to take one another for granted.. And this is where things start changing, like expectations for one another.. They'd want each other to be just like the 'person' they knew at the beginning, yet, time and reality is cruel.. People changes and grows up.. No one could stay the same forever..

Yet, no one want to admit these changes.. They try holding on to it, hoping the 'person' they used to knew would appear once in a while.. For some people, these once-in-a-while-happiness would make them content.. Even if the sad times greatly outnumbered the happy times, they'd still hold on just for the once-in-a-while-happiness..

And the outcome would depends on how much consessions and sacrifices one party is willing to make for the other.. Some will eventually grow tired and give up, but the fond memories would always be with them.. While some party would continue on and on.. Perhaps these are the people who love the other party too much.. Or perhaps, it's not love anymore, just that they've grown used to each other's presence and are interdependent on one another.. Or perhaps it's some percentage of love and some percentage of dependence..

Feelings are hard to differentiate sometimes.. Some people cant even explain their own feelings..

Love is a weird thing, it can be sweet, sour, bitter or spicy, or all at one time..

*This fairy tale ended at 1:40 PM*

Thursday, July 13, 2006

It's the worst day of my life.. Woke up from a really really terrible nightmare and i kept crying and crying.. When i'm crying so many rubbish thoughts keep coming to my mind and they made me cry even harder.. My head is hurting, my heart is hurting, and it's so painful.. I cant handle all the pain anymore..

I feel like a loser.. Why am i so weak? Why do i always wanna hid from the reality? Why am i such a lousy person? I feel so lonely..

I wished to fall really really sick.. The best is that i could lose those unhappy memories.. Only leaving the happy memories.. All those bad times had caused me to change into what i am today and i hate myself so much..

I miss the happy girl who's so hyper and without worries and cheerful.. In the past, she believes in fairytales, waiting patiently for her prince to appear.. But now, she've gone through so many unhappy things, so many hurts and so much pain.. And all these had made her change.. She started to doubt love.. And as she go thru more and more hurt, the old fang gradually disappeared from this world.. I don't know how to find her back.. I miss her so much.. I wanna be smiling and happy everyday, but..

If i could erase and forget those unhappy memories.. IF ONLY

My heart is dripping blood.. My head is hurting so much.. I really dunno what to do.. Tears just kept flowing and flowing.. i'm really tired, depressed and in pain.. God, help me please.. I dun wanna feel these pain..

*This fairy tale ended at 1:56 PM*

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

So sick.. Had been coughing for 3 weeks already then this week started having flu.. And last night i started having fever..

So this morning took mc to rest at home.. Whole body aching so badly.. Body temperature of 38.6°C..

Hate being sick~! Because of this flu virus i'm lagging behind in my schoolwork already.. Feel so tired that i kept sleeping and can't do my assignments.. I wanna recover fast.. I want to go do sports, go gym, go shopping and catch up on my school work.. T.T

*This fairy tale ended at 11:00 PM*

Monday, July 03, 2006

Sorry for the lack of update cause not much mood to blog..

Have been coughing for 2 weeks plus already.. Feel so sick that i'm sleeping alot everyday.. Lagging behind in so many assignments.. Yet, whenever i think of those unfinished assignments, my head just hurts terribly.. *sigh* Seems like i'm in a depression lately..

Anyway, i've bought a denim shorts recently.. Nice?

That's all for today.. Dont have much things to blog about le.. Take care, everyone.. =)

*This fairy tale ended at 6:41 PM*