* The Fairytale of Pandagirl *

Friday, August 18, 2006

Sighs.. Sighs.... Sighs......

I wanna be blogging about happy stuffs.. Sighs.. But i cant help but sighs.. Everything is just not going right for me right now.. Sighs.. The recent few entries were all complainings and grumblings, and more complainings and grumblings.. Sighs.. I seriously cant control my fingers from pressing the alphabets 's', 'i', 'g', 'h'...

I feel so stressed out.. So stressed that i'm starting to eat alot, sleep alot and think negatively alot.. These are the symptoms whenever i feel stress.. Now, i'm starting to gain back the kilos that i've just shedded a while ago.. Sighs..

Studio Project hasn't been going on smoothly.. I was already one day behind schedule, wanted to get my storyboard, final board and time reel over and done with today so that i can start animating tmr.. But, i dunno whether i'm unlucky or what, when i went to school, i was told that the teacher-in-charge isn't coming in for today.. Which means i cant show my storyboard and time reel to get them approve.. Which makes me two days behind schedule.. Sighs.. So afraid i cant finish everything on time.. Sighs..

Another worry on my mind is my sis.. She wanna quit schooling.. At first she came to my course in NYP, but after the first week, she quit and went to another course in TP.. I thought she would stay in the course cause she got a few of her secondary and primary school friend there.. But now, after a semester in the course, she says she wanna quit again.. Sighs..

Sighs.. I dunno what i can do for her.. I felt it was partly my fault for her quiting halfway.. Cause i quited AJC halfway.. I felt it was my responsibility cause i didnt set a good example for her.. Sighs.. I dunno what to do.. I know she'd be unhappy if she force herself to carry on her course in TP, but i also know my parents would be unhappy if she quit schooling to go out to work in the society.. I'm caught in the middle.. My mom asked me to counsel her, to ask her to continue studying, cause in this society, you do need qualifications to find a good job.. But on the other hand, i dun wanna force my sis to do something she dun like.. Sighs..

Have been going back to my own home almost everyday this week to see how my sis is doing.. To talk to her and try to understand her more.. It really hurts to see my mom and sis quarrelling over this matter.. And my heart hurts even more when i see my sis crying.. Sighs.. I really dunno what to do.. Sighs.. I feel like crying too le..

Emotionally, i still feel so insecure.. I guess what my dad did in the past had left a very deep impact in me.. Making me such a insecure person.. Sighs.. I still dunno how to trust a person completely.. Cause i'm afraid of getting hurt.. I seemed to be building a wall around myself, shutting everyone out.. I'm always smiling and optimistic on the outside, cause i don't let anyone into my heart easily.. Now, the wall seems to be getting taller and taller..

I feel so tired.. Really tired.. There's alot of things, too many things that i still cant let go.. Perhapa, it's time for me to slowly think things through and slowly learn to let go..

But, no matter what.. Dear, i'll always love you and my heart will always be yours.. Cause loving you is like breathing, how can i stop?

If only i could disappear from this world without a trace.. If only.........

I hope tmr will be a better day....

*This fairy tale ended at 2:57 PM*